Hoe Flow pt.1

Fine ass hoochie with some bomb ass coochie
Wet like Fiji, begging you to cream me
I know you like what you see
I know you like it juicy
Beat it up in the two seat
Eat it up til I’m oozing
Treat me like a slut, like a floozy
Deep in these guts is where you should be
Dreaming of you in this pussy
Screaming your name while you do me
Leaving me dripping and drooling
Teasing me like you don’t know what you’re doing
like me on your face isn’t what you’re ensuing

Let me ride it like a rodeo
Divide these thighs, let’s put on a show
Slide inside, fuck me nice and slow
Wait. No. I want it rough in every hole
Until I feel your dick deep in my soul
That’s the only goal.

Groundhog Days

I’m sure I’ve done this before
confused and crying on the floor.
lost in the love that we once wore
Still knocking at the same door

Waiting for you to let me in
Wishing everything could start over again.
Is this where the ending begins?

I could’ve sworn I’ve been here before.

Settling for less when I know I deserve more
Surrendering all that I am, just to be yours
Desperate to be the woman you’re still looking for

She’s out there somewhere
Too perfect for me to compare

Prettier than me.
Smarter than me.
Everything that I want to be.

I know I’ve been here before.

Wishing I was the only one
Hating the person I’ve become

An endless cycle I go through
Knowing I’m not enough for you
Everyday is deja vu.



In The End

Will you remember me from my smile or my attitude?

Will you find inspiration from my resiliency or my fortitude?

Will you miss me or feel guilty?

Do you feel relieved or responsible?
Would you even want me back if it were possible?

Will you think about me randomly or only on the special days?

Will you hold onto me forever or will it only be a phase?

Will you cherish our memories the same way I do?
When you think about us, do you cry too?

 Are we at the end, or the beginning of something new?

 

Sessions of Depression

I’m not having a bad day, or just in one of my “moods”
It’s been four days, and I haven’t showered or ate any food.

You think you know what depression is, but you have no idea what it includes.

So, how dare you be so rude? Like I’m a nuisance for living my truth.
Yeah, I’m fucked up. I like to get fucked up and don’t need no judgement from you.

I have a lot of dark thoughts in my mind, but I never disguised what’s going on inside.
My mental health isn’t an excuse for you to hide behind, and it’s not how I choose to be defined.

Yet you have the audacity to throw stones while living in your glass home. Judging the mess around you and not looking at your own.

So I now find value in being alone and leaving the spaces that I’ve finally outgrown.
Embracing the places I’m going and navigating the unknown.

See – you say I’m too much, but you just aint enough. Cause if you really understood, it wouldn’t be this tough.

It’s not hard to love me, I won’t let that be my story.
Because loving me has never been mandatory.

Most days aren’t easy for me, and I deal with it as best I can.
But my everyday struggle isn’t something you understand.

And that’s okay. It’s hard to walk a mile in shoes that don’t fit.
So next time you shame me for something, don’t say you “get it”

 

27 Reasons I Love You

I tried to explain in pretty ways what loving you means to me.
But all the analogies and pictures still couldn’t depict what I want it to.

So, I’m just writing from my heart. To remind you exactly how your love translates for me.

Our love is my favorite. It’s exciting and complicated, fun and insightful. It gives me hope and power to be my best self. Genuine and strong, our love never fails even when we fall short.

It keeps us safe and grounded, it’s challenging and uncomfortable. Our love is real.
All of the ups and downs, trials, errors and tribulations. It hasn’t been easy, but its been every bit of worth it.

Our love makes us stronger individuals, better people. It makes us try, forces us to show up and step outside of ourselves. Loving each other keeps us accountable and responsible, it matured us and continues to teach us along the way.

In our difficult days, in our weakest and darkest hours, our love shines through. Guiding and directing our paths, it’s the beacon for our trust and patience.

We don’t give up on each other.
We don’t doubt each other.
We believe in each other. Always.

No matter the problem, no matter the pain or the shame, we make the choice to choose love everyday. Every fight, we let love win. It’s the solution to everything because we let love be the reason for everything.

Loving you is the easiest difficulty I face, it makes me love myself and more aware of myself. Loving you makes me a better woman.

It makes me whole.

& I’m okay with that.
For a lot of years, I shut our love out. Being selfish. Being scared.

But I trust my love with you. It keeps me going when no one and nothing else can.
Our love gets me through lupus and kidney failure.
Our love gets me through depression and anxiety. It shows up every time, without explanation. Without a request. Without contingencies and conditions.

Our love is strong, and it keeps me stronger.
So, on your birthday, I want you to remember what this love means.
We can get through whatever, as long as we’re together. Don’t ever forget that.

The love we share is forever.
It’s my greatest joy, the best part of life.

Happy birthday, Vato. I love you

Moments

It’s nights like this that keep me up in wonder. Awake with nostalgia from the rain and thunder. Not quite dreaming, but disconnected from what’s real.
Lost in fantasies where my hurt can actually heal.
These are the moments I cling to, the songs that I sing through.
The dark is so bright, and the silence is loud. It’s a peaceful sound amongst battleground.

These are the moments that give me strength and power.
Even in my darkest hour, I bloom just like a flower.
And as delicate as the petals, it is in these moments where it all settles.

The weight of life, now light as a feather, brings all of me together with peace to tether.

In these moments, I am free.
I am whoever I want to be.

Brave and ready.

 

Rhymz

Sometimes my mind can’t define the signs and fine lines

Between love and hate and distance vs time.

I struggle with the concept of fate and destiny,

& that complexity can get the best of me.

Leaving thick clouds of confusion and delusion,

Blaming any and everything hindering my illusions

of control.

Because only I know

the truths and depths of my heart and soul.

The demons that deplete me, and the peace which keeps me whole.

It’s just, sometimes –

My mind keeps me stuck and confined.

And I can totally to get out, I just don’t want to try.

So, instead I rhyme 🙂

Walking Away From Expectation

Recently, I’ve come to realize a lot about myself. Some things I like, a lot of things I don’t, but I’m understanding who I am nonetheless. One topic that’s come up in nearly every therapy session, is my entitlement. At first, I was very defensive and a little upset, but I took a step back to try and understand…and when I realized that she was right, it was life-changing.

I’ve always focused my ideas and thoughts on the principle of counteraction, failing to see the stumbling blocks I’ve put on myself in doing so. I didn’t understand that equality does not constitute reciprocity, and was often hurt when certain outcomes didn’t align with my expectations.

I expected blessings because I said a prayer, expected loyalty because I never turned my back, expected promotions because I work hard, expected people to stay because I never left. I believed in scratching another back because that meant mine would get scratched too, right? I did my part, I showed my love, I kept your secrets, I worked hard, and I want what’s due to me.

What I didn’t see, was the selfishness in my actions. Doing something for someone under the notion that they will return the favor is no reason to do anything. The golden rule of “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” is for your own karma. Don’t expect anyone to be nice because you were; they don’t have to do anything for you. Confusing your worthiness with expectation will leave you hurt every time. Nobody, regardless of their role, is debted to you. If you deserve better, then do better; don’t expect someone to be better, make it better, or give you better.

There’s an anonymous quote I’ve seen on Twitter…”Someone you made sacrifices for will one day turn around and say they didn’t ask you to, and they’ll be right”. Be cautious of who and what you exhaust yourself over. Beware that your efforts may be in vain, and you won’t always get back what you put out with selfish intentions.

I am not owed anything, by anyone, for any reason – and that’s the hardest lesson I’ve had to learn thus far.

Reflections

A message to me:

Believing does not exist without fear.

Sometimes, your biggest dream is your worst nightmare.

Success comes with failure, but your goals are within reach.

Never lose faith in your purpose – even when life seems bleak.

To experience the new, you must embrace change and growth cannot happen without a little rain.

It is impossible to love, and not love yourself – don’t ever live your life for someone else.

Shame can be debilitating, and forgiveness is hard.

Wounds will heal, but they also do scar.

Lessons are not learned without mistakes, and nothing comes to those who wait.

The clocks keep ticking.

The world keeps spinning.

And remember, that every end is a new beginning.

So learn to return regrets, and pave a way to peace as you reflect.

This is not a Poem

I don’t care to express myself with elegance, and I’m not in the mood to rhyme or woo.

 

This is a declaration.

An affirmation of my frustration.

 

Just letters on white blankets that stain my clarity.

Emotions translated into words that form incomplete sentences.

Indifferent thoughts that impose on my beliefs and conflict with my confidence.

This is my mind.

Disconnected and detached.

Unable to decide because I don’t know.

Ignorant to my identity and benighted to my potential.

Willingly blinded and helplessly misunderstood.

Trying to make sense.

Wanting to make change.

But the confusion is comfortable.

I’ve found complacency in my chaos.